Relocating Overseas to a New Land
Posted: Thursday, February 05, 2009
by Michael Gaffley
flatlinetochange
My family and I immigrated overseas to America from South Africa. The reality of relocation is the challenge to belong. Belonging was difficult with little or no economic power. During the first years, we traveled a lonely road, to church, to work, to school and home. If you wanted to go anywhere, it cost money. My children had to fit in and find their way in school and they would often come back from school in tears because their classmates were making fun of Africa. They were asking my children questions about whether lions and wild animals still walked in our city streets. They were asking whether a jumbo jet could land in South Africa. They were asking whether we lived in huts and whether we had running water and electricity. They were asking my children why they say they come from Africa when they are not black. I had to ensure that my children were dressing appropriately so as not to stand out as foreigners.
Relocating to another country is never easy because you have to rework and renegotiate your identity, your life, your lifestyle and your worldview. You have to reestablish friendships and build community. Keeping the faith is important to stay sane. You have to know the nuances of meaning in the new culture. This can be difficult if the culture that you come from is markedly different than the one you intend to embrace. South Africa has a very high context culture where group identity is the norm. Everybody knows or pretends to know something about everybody else's business, and the group that you belong to is the important focal point. America in contrast is very low context. Everyone minds their own business. Here you have to fend for yourself. You do not speak to strangers and even your neighbors are strangers. We are fortunate to be living in a nice neighborhood with the best neighbors.
Some of the challenges inherent in relocation can be awkward to negotiate. Children serve an important mentoring function. I have often marveled at how the children become the interpreters of language to their non English speaking immigrant parents. Our children became the role models for learning a new lifestyle in a new land. Some of our values had to be redefined and re-interpreted. They continue to teach us about Thanksgiving, Independence Day, President's Day, Martin Luther King Day and other festivities and events of historical importance. We no longer celebrate second New Years day, Easter Monday, and other significant South African days. We can no longer just walk over to friends and neighbors to visit, to chat or just to have tea. It is either call first or we will call you to come and visit.
When you are invited to lunch or dinner it is not a treat, you pay for yourself. Reciprocation is important to energize friendships. Sometimes you cannot start with exploratory dialogues because people can be impatient to listen to stories because they do not want to skip a beat in their quest to be successful in life. I have found some Americans to be very friendly and supportive but very ignorant about life beyond the borders of their country. They will help as long as they can see the need to get involved.
God bless America with its ever growing immigrant population. We need to reach across diverse barriers to strengthen our growing friendships. We must do for all Americas people what all America's people need and stop focusing and satisfying only our greed. Our greed precludes us from identifying need. In the process we sometimes forget that we do have needs.
We are all here to co-create a country worth living in for all.
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Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)Awesome article. It makes me think about how hard it was for my parents to relocate from Ukraine (while it was USSR) when I was just a baby. My parents had to deal with going to a foreign land (America) with a baby and small kid (my brother).Most of been the most challenging things they have ever done.Greg thank you for your encouraging comments. This is an extract from my soon to be publsihed book about my childhood memoirs of growing up in apartheid South africa with its conflicting images in the nuanced reality of apartheid
Ah, now I think I understand what you are saying in my article..Americans in particular live in such a protected bubble that it is difficult for us to imagine another culture without the taint of ethnocentrism.The transition for you must have been difficult. Though South Africa is very European like and has a great deal of tourists, no?Thank you for your comments. Appreciated. I am in the process of publsihing my memoirs of childhood during apartheid.
hi michael,this was an interesting article, since the subject material is unknown to me. i've often wondered what it would be like to come to a new country, and how one would adjust.it seems your kids have done quite well. i wish you and your family all the best. there will always be ups and downs, no matter where we are, but i hope things will improve for all of us here, as far as economically, which also hurts us emotionally, worrying about how to take care of ourselves and our families. thanks for sharing this with us,i hope you continue writing, and welcome to searchwarp,my best regards,sue thom
Michael,You have expressed something that many native-born Americans cannot quite appreciate or understand. Having lived in another country for 16 years, albeit a country similar to America in many respects, I know a bit of what you felt and what you have learned.I am so glad that you now embrace American culture and customs. I wish all who came here would do the same. When I lived in Canada, I lived as the Canadians; when I live in America, I live as an American.Our country is better because of people like you. Thank you for sharing your story so beautifully. You are right about visiting your neighbors. We weren't always like that; but, unfortunately, life is so hectic today that many don't know who lives next door.NancyNancy thank you for your kind comments. I do speaking engagements and tell people our story.I am also in the process of publishing my first book. My memoirs of apartheidMichael,Do let us know when the book is available. I would love to read it.
I really enjoyed your article. I too would not know what it would be like to live in another country. I too think you and your family are doing amazingly well. By the way, thank you for joining my fan club. It is much appreciated.Sincerely,Linda DMy pleasure indeed
Hi Michael. Thank you for writing this very interesting and well-written piece. I have experienced what you went through. Now, my two sisters and their families are undergoing a similar experience but I think, because we are adaptable people, we will survive. Thanks again for sharing this to us and thank you so much for joining my fan club. I am delighted and honored. Best regards to you, ~Nenita~My pleasure indeed Nenita
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